The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
