If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Randomize
