Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
