My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
