Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
