My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
