Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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