$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
