after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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