It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
