During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
