Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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