If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
