I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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