I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
