i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
