Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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