i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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