the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
