I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
