great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
