I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
