she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
