I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
