i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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