I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The beers last night were like the tears from god
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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