Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
