i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
