Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
