She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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