He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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