and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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