how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
