genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
