How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
