you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
