Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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