were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
