i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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