Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
