I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
