he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
