coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
