i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
jump out the window naked night went bad
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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