In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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