i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
then he tried to convert me to islam
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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