i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
