well I can't set my house on fire every night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
