Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
