so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
