The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
did i just pee glitter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
