I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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