The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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