i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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