i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
