There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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