we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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