Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna fight the coyote
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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