dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
